(Pics above are from that very night)
I muttered those words to my two best friends a few months back when we went out. My hair 1/2 done, a "grandma" shirt and flip flops on. I was struggling. I didn't feel cute, I had gained the quarantine 15 as everyone is calling it... possibly the quarantine 30 for me.. Nothing fit, nothing was flattering... The list could go on. I was SO down on myself.
Let me rewind a bit... my youngest kiddo is 3 years and 4 months. I nursed all 4 of my babies for at least 12 months each. My last was nursed until 19 months. MY body was birthing and feeding for as long as I can remember... My body wasn't MINE, it was theirs. Coming out of trying to find "me" again has been hard. It's been tearfully challenging.
When the world stood still for a few months back in March, I never put make-up on, I didn't work out, do my hair... I let my natural self out. We remodeled our entire house top to bottom and all money went towards that. I had been working at the shop almost everyday for 3 years. I was found in paint clothes and a bun 24/7. I didn't have time to go out with my girlfriends, didn't have time for dates or to get fancy for anything. I was a busy wife, mom and brick-and-mortar business owner.
(This was me... everyday for 3 years).
I missed SO much when we had the shop (this is a whole other blog) that I decided time with my friends is important for me and my mental health and sanity. I am a better mom when I am away for a few hours having girl time. Every other Saturday we get together and go out or sometimes we stay in. When we started doing this... I looked at my closet and was like... WHOAAAA.... Who is this person wearing these clothes? When did she fall apart? I couldn't believe how down on myself I was.
After feeling like I was ugly for a month or so I decided to change it. Why not get some new clothes? I deserve it. Why not put some effort into me. I did just that... ladies... let me tell you what a little teeth whitening and self tanner can do for your self esteem.... WONDERS!!! Having some clothes you love to wear, that fit, that make you feel and look good. I decided to go head to toe and 'remodel" myself... after 7 years of having a body that really wasn't mine, I had to take it back. So, I did.
I started with getting haircut and brow wax the same week my salon opened back up. I haven't dyed my hair since high school (yeah thats right, high school, I graduated in 2004) but... i'm telling you, I have SO. MUCH, GREY. HAIR!!! Eventually I am going to need too but... its just such a thing... time, money, upkeep.. Im not there yet lol. I bought some teeth whitening from an influencer I follow (Ill be sharing these on another page soon) and bought some self tanner. I felt so so good. I was giving myself grace and love, some TLC that it so needed.
I got some clothes, some hair extensions, some spanks to roll up that quarantine weight I gained (not kidding) and thats all I needed to feel like a woman. A woman who didn't live in paint clothes for 3 years, or gain a bunch of weight the last 2 months. I was me. I felt good.
I still do my hair and make-up most days. Some days I don't. I have cute clothes to wear and don't ever feel like "I have nothing to wear" anymore. I have put time and energy into making myself a priority after all these years of, not neglect, but being more to someone else then to me.
I love my babies SOOOO much and I am so glad my body gave them life and was their nourishment for all those years. I am also glad that my body is mine again. I will keep giving it the love and attention it needs to have self-esteem and positivity.
Ladies, if you feel like I have, gosh I LOVE that I can say that in past tense now... If you feel like you are in a slump or need something to give you some esteem... Go buy a sweater and make a hair appointment. That what.. $65 could do SO much for you... Invest in yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT!! It's okay to spend money on YOU, it's okay to take time away for YOU, it's okay to want to feel like YOU again, after having babies and nursing.
I want you to feel great! I will do a post soon with all of my favorite tanners and whitening strips! I seriously couldn't live without them now!!! Stay tuned for that.
Thanks for reading friends. Loves.